Crisco
by Agent Dalton
Summary: Crisco. Mother Theresa. Pickles. Mulder. Scully. An anonymous forger. A half Japanese girl. Now updated with a new installment: The Final Battle!! Yay! Are you concerned about hair loss? Yay!
1. In The Beginning

Crisco  
  
By Agent Dalton and Sponge Bob Cow Pants  
  
Rated: PG13  
  
Classification: humor  
  
Summary: Scully runs a daycare center, and Crisco kills someone by taking off their braces and running away. Mother Theresa does a cameo.  
  
Spoilers: Requiem, Irresistible  
  
Archive: Yeah, but tell us where it's going. Cello6909@aol.com and Rwinger01@aol.com  
  
Feedback: Required, When you are reading this, keep in mind that we are only in 7th and 8th grade.   
4 out of 5 doctors say that expressing your enjoyment in a piece of fanfiction, you increase your life expectancy 22-22.8 years. The other doctor was killed by Cancer Man.  
  
Disclaimer: Ok fine, we don't own Mulder, Scully and all the others. They belong to FOX, CC, and the "I made this" people. We are just borrowing them, and we promise to have them home before dinner.   
  
Author's notes at bottom  
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One early morning Scully was opening up the daycare center where she worked. She saw a granny clasper on the ground and said, "This clasper would look very spiffy on my new trench coat!"  
  
Scully opened the door, went in and flipped on the lights and took out a bucket of legos. She was going to make something exquisite this time. She still had 15 minutes before the first kids arrived.  
  
A few weeks after Mulder got abducted, Scully got fired from the FBI for streaking around the J. Edgar Hoover building. The whole time Krycek was smiling. So was Skinner. But when he was smiling he wet his pants so he had to go away.  
  
"Hmmm", thought Scully, "What should I make today?" She finally decided on making a scale model of the Empire State Building. As you can see, she went a little nutty after Mulder got abducted.   
  
After she found all the red legos, she only had ten minutes to find the yellow and blue ones.   
  
But suddenly a kid arrived early. She was very, very mad. She turned on Dr. Dre and started rapping about Big Screen TVs, Blunts, 40's, and Bitches.   
  
The kid's mommy took out Eminem and started rapping about Homosexuals and Vikadins. They were having a rapping war.  
  
Then the kid said he wanted to listen to Faith Hill, and Scully got mad and shot him in the head. Then Crisco tried to jump out of the cabinet but the Chez Wiz held him back, but Crisco finally got away. He scampered over to the kid and took his underware and braces.   
  
Then Crisco stood on the kid and said, "Cotton Candy Rules", and ran away.   
  
Now Scully could finish her Empire State Building.  
  
END OF SCENE ONE  
  
The kids were arriving at not eat pace (the thesaurus said not eat meant the same as fast) And Scully was finally finished with her legos. Scully had planned a field trip to the flea market to go and buy bathing suits.  
  
Suddenly Mother Theresa popped out and said, "Scoon"   
  
When they got to the flea market they purchased their bathing suits and they got I Want To Believe posters because Scully made them. She said it would make Mulder get back faster.  
  
Scully had also planned a swimming trip in Donnie Pfaster's bath tub. An offer like that was irresistible.  
  
Before they could leave, Crisco struck again. He wanted Power Ranger underware or Gumby underware to complete his collection. He would not stand for Powerpuff. He also wanted some braces with hot pink and hot purple rubber things.  
  
Scully tried to shoot Crisco, but she accidentally shot another kid in the head. She thought Korn was supposed to play.   
  
Scully called up Skinner and asked him if he wanted to go swimming. Skinner said he would rather play 20 questions and hung up. Scully then burped a burp that smelled like Tuna.   
  
After a few minutes of playing with a calculator, she called up Krycek. She asked him if he wanted to go. He said that he would be delighted to go, but first he needed to go to the dollar store to figure out how much a dollar is. He then stated that the big dipper was orange and hung up.  
  
Mother Theresa popped up again and said, "Gatorade"  
  
END OF SCENE TWO  
  
When Krycek arrived at Donnie Pfaster's house, he told Scully that she needed to hold his prosthetic arm while he went swimming. They then gave the daycare kids elephants to keep them occupied.   
  
Then when they got to the bath room they discovered that the bath tub was filled with Crisco. Scully wished Mulder was here because it was getting so weird. She decided that she was going to start calling him Muldy when he gets back.   
  
Krycek walked in in Mulder's red speedo. Scully shot him in the head and   
Crisco and his friends, the underpants gnomes came in. They stole his braces that he didn't have, and his Power Ranger underware.  
  
Then Scully received a package from outer space and motioned for Mother Theresa come over. Mother Theresa said her boys never bickered, and asked Scully if she wanted to play cribbage. Then she disappeared again.  
  
Scully opened her package and found a cribbage board, she thought it was going to be a letter from Mulder. She was very mad so she went and shot another kid in the head. This time Crisco only stole his braces.   
  
She wasn't doing too good at this daycare stuff.   
  
Scully started playing a key game, where she started to throw her keys to the wall to see if it could catch. She was starting to go very crazy.  
  
END OF SCENE THREE  
  
Scully decided she was going to go visit her sister at the camel lot, but first she needed to go drop off the kids at the adult movie theater (NC-17, these kids were only 7 years old.)  
  
Scully went to the Camel lot and found an odd shaped camel that she thought that was her sister. Then Scully gave her sister the trench coat with the granny clasper clasped on the top. Then Scully left to go get a taco at noon.   
  
Until noon she decided to go pic berries off of berry trees. Then Scully went to Mulder's apartment to watch The X-Files. They usually watched it together, because it was just better that way. They both did not like the idea of the guy getting abducted and this new Robert Patrick guy.  
  
Scully then did cartwheels while drinking orange juice all the way to Mulder's apartment. When she opened the door her sister was in there, and she was nude! She was all brown and hairy and smelly.   
  
Scully was very, very upset about her sister wearing her trench coat and granny clasper. How did she get that? Scully couldn't figure out why she was wearing them.  
  
She shot her in the head and in the butt, just for kicks and giggles. She took the coat and granny clasper back.  
  
Then Crisco popped out to see what kind of underware Scully's sister had on. It was Blue's Clues, but Crisco didn't like Blue's Clues, but he took them anyway because the Chez Wiz might like them. Crisco took her braces though. Because her teeth were very large, he had to pry them off with the keys to his underware drawer.  
  
Scully was mad at Crisco, so she took him by his hand and brought him to the bowling alley. She rubbed him on the lane until he was gone. Then she shot up the alley just to be sure.  
  
And then she got on an airplane and went to the gum wrapper store.  
  
END  
  
Authors' notes.  
  
We might have a sequel if enough people review this.  
  
Coke cans are beautiful  
  
BYE  
  
FRUIT BOWL, DO YOU FRUIT IT?  
  
sorrie foer any mispaled werds  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. The Second Coming

Crisco number two, Stinky Crisco and Buttered Lightbulbs  
  
By: Agent Dalton and Sponge Bob Cow Pants  
  
Rated: PG13  
  
Classification: Humor  
  
Spoilers: Requiem, maybe  
  
Archive: YEAH, just keep our header on it.  
  
Summary: Scully now works as a cheese clerk. She also goes to a family reunion at the food mart(you need to read the first story first, to understand things in here)  
  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, we don't own Mulder, Scully, and the others. We don't sell biscuits either. Mulder and Scully and their buddies belong to FOX, CC, and the "I made this" people. If we owned them there would be no need for shippy fanfic.  
  
Feedback: Come on, people. We need feedback to keep this series going! Keep in mind we are only in 7th and 8th grade.  
  
Authors' notes at bottom.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Scully got fired from her daycare job, because all the kids were copying the people on the NC-17 movie that she dropped them off at. She then found the job of being the cheese clerk at the local biscuit shop.  
  
When Scully got to work, she went to get the cheese out of the cupboards. It was moldy. She missed Muldy, he was still gone.   
  
She was jealous of the keyboard, he always got all of the good cheese. She had to look at all of the moldy ones, and the keyboard got Chez Wiz, cheese flies, cheese fleas, cheesed geese, and buttercakes. They were homemade.  
  
MEANWHILE...  
Crisco was working on resurrecting himself. He was recreating himself by sniffing the bowling shoes. The stench made him Stinky Crisco.   
  
He found Scully's granny clasper on the ground, she must have dropped it when she was spreading him on the bowling alley.   
  
BACK TO SCULLY  
When Scully was finishing her cheese job, she was thinking about going back to the camel lot. She wanted to find her long lost sister again.  
  
When she got to the camel lot, she saw another strange shaped camel. She knew it was her sister at once, the only problem was that all of the camels looked like her sister! She shot them all in the head, and in the butt for kicks and giggles (again!)  
  
Then the pope popped up and said, "Never use joker cards in war. The CANT beat everything.  
  
Stinky Crisco then came scampering in, with the Buttered Lightbulb Clan at his tail. They took all of the camel's panty hose. They were on a panty hose mission this time.  
  
The Buttered Lightbulbs' lips were sealed. The wouldn't tell anyone about the calculator button, and the bindings on the window.  
  
Scully watched the whole scene while shuffling a deck of cards.   
  
After Stinky Crisco and the Buttered Lightbulbs left, Scully experimented taping her fingers together. She also practiced putting paste on her face.  
  
END OF SCENE ONE  
  
Scully went back to her home in cheesy lane. Her underpants were getting kind of wedgied, so she un-wedgied them. Then she looked in her room she saw her sister, how could her sister be here? She was dead. Camels just cant come back to life. She was wearing lipstick too.  
  
Her sister was in the bed with Mariah Carey, and a daycare kid. They were fooling around with each others noses. They were giggling very loudly.  
  
Scully then went into the bathroom and barfed, and then watched Dances With Wolves. When she was down, she could aways watch those little hottie indians dance.  
  
While she was watching it, she decided her toenails needed a real clipping. She turned off Dances With Wolves, and got the lawnmower. Bubble Wrap was already using the lawn mower. Scully was furious, but she decided not to shoot Bubble Wrap, because it was so cute.  
  
Scully went back into her apartment, and turned on the garbage disposal. She cut her toenails in that.  
  
When she was done cutting her toenails, she turned on The Little Mermaid. Flounder reminded her of Muldy.   
  
Then she challenged the ketchup bottle to a game of Pokemon. The ketchup won, and it was a high stakes game. They bet their socks for tomorrow's gathering.   
  
Mother Theresa and the Pope popped up and said, "Animal Crackers at my place, all you party animals!"  
  
END OF SCENE TWO  
  
When Scully was checking her mail, she had an invitation to a family reunion. It said to be at the Food Mart in exactly three hours.  
  
Scully didn't want to go, because she thought her sister might be there. You never know with those camels. But after 3 seconds of debating, she decided to go. The produce section was her most favorite place in the world.  
  
After two hours of deciding what to wear, she finally decided on a natural bathing suit. It was made out of whipped cream, leaves, and grass seeds. Don't forget two grapes and orange peelings.  
  
She got in her new Jaguar that was a BMW and a Honda. She tried not to get a raccoon in her muffler, but she couldn't help it. Those coons were little rascals.  
  
When she got to the food market, she stepped out of her car and found a fruit bowl. She put it on around her neck.  
  
She walked up to the food mart, and the doors opened by themselves. Scully was horrified! She had never seen such a thing, how did the open all by themselves? (She had never been to the food mart before)  
  
After she got over that shock, she continued in. She found the produce section and looked for her mother. She found a nice looking cucumber and said, "Hello mom". She never remembered her mother being green, but hey, you never know.  
  
She gave her mother a bicycle tire for her birthday, even though it wasn't her birthday. It was father's day.  
  
She went to look for Bill, her younger sister. (Not the camel) She went to Band-Aid section and found a nice little box of Power Ranger Band-Aids. She said, "Hello Bill" and talked to her for five minutes about how cheese is biodegradable, and how your hair is dead, but it really grows.   
  
Then she went to look for her father named Agnes. She headed off to the toilet paper section and found a nice roll of fluffy toilet paper. "Hello Agnes, how are you doing, daddy?" Her daddy was speechless.   
  
She figured he must just be very shocked.  
  
Then they all gathered in a circle and sang Koombiya, but she realized that she was the only one holding hands, and she was the only one singing. How terrible!  
  
She went back to her home and saw her sister. She asked her why she didn't sing. Her sister said that she had cucumber stuck in her hair.   
  
Scully then got in her brand new (very expensive) Honda and drove to the Philippine Islands.  
  
As for Stinky Crisco, he was too busy watching Dances with Wolves.  
  
The pope popped up and said, "Wicker Chair"  
  
END  
  
Authors' notes  
  
We are thinking of making this into a series. We just need lots of feedback. Once we get enough feedback we will sit down for a few hours and write ya'll another installment.  
  
If you would like to archive our stuff, Email Cello6909@aol.com and I will send you our next installments via email.  
  
FRUIT BOWLS  
  
Sorrie fore anie mispaled werds  
  
Ok, bye  
  
fill out that little box down there  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Crouching Gnome, Hidden Peanuts.

Crisco the 3rd: Hidden Gnomes, Crouching Peanuts.  
  
By Agent Dalton and Sponge Bob Cow Pants  
  
Rated : goo, I mean PG13, or R. I dont care, but who really cares about the ratings anyway!  
  
Summary: Here we have a beautiful new Crisco story, going once, going twice, SOLD! To the man in the curly locks.  
  
Disclaimer: Here is the distribution sheet:  
These belong to Agent Dalton:  
Mulder, Russell Crowe, and everything that rhymes with purple.  
These belong to Sponge Bob Cow Pants:  
Britney Spears, Scully, and everything that rhymes with Uniformnitariunism.  
  
Notecies: Read the bottem for notesies. (whats a notesie?) Email me @ kryptonite423@hotmail.com if you know!!  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
WARNING: THERE IS NO PLOT INCLUDED. YOU MAY PURCHASE ONE FOR $19.99.  
  
One fine afternoon/morning Scully went to go get some custard from the custard shop. Her face was red, she was angry, they had no custard so she decided to go to Blockbuster and look for custard there. They had 50 tons of it, but she she didnt buy any. She was too focused on the manager's butt since he looked like John Goodman.   
  
Scully then decided that she would work on the gnome case. These pesky gnomes are usually located in pants by the name of Mr. Happy. Not that Mr. Happy, you perv. Why are you thinking that???  
  
Then Scully went up to John Goodman and asked him if he knew her sister, just to strike up mutual conversation. He said "Is your sister a piece of culaflower?"   
Scully said that she was yes indeed, but a kind of camel. John was very confused.  
  
Scully then called the wicked witch from the west. But it waswnt the wicked witch. It was mother theresa posing as the wicked witch posing as the wicked witch from the bubbler land. They had blacklights there.   
  
The wicked witch said that they guy that looked like Billy Gilman was so hot. Scully disagreed and slapped her on the face through the phone.   
  
Scully then decided to get to business. But first she had to go poop. Scully didnt bring a newspaper or magazine to the bathroom, but a Gladiator DVD and a gluestick to watch it on. Some people.  
  
After she pooped, she called Kersh and asked him if John Goodman could join the elite 4. But Kersh suggested he should go to the store and buy him some hemmerhoid cream.   
  
Scully then went to Grammys in a thong, to accept her award for the song she wrote, called "Woops"  
  
At the parties after the show she saw Christina Have-No-Haira if she has sexually transmitted gnomes. Christina said yes, and told Scully she could have a look-see. Then Britney Spears came over and slapped Christina. Christins then fell down on a piece of cheese and never woke up. Oh Darn (said as sarcasticly as it can be.)  
  
Then Scully went over to Russell Crowe and told him he was very very hot. She asked him if he had gnomes in his pants and asked if she could check. He said she could check. She then looked in his pants on stage in front of everybody in the world. He had no gnomes, but much better things. Russell asked for her number and she gave it to him. They would meet again.  
  
When Scully was walking home she found Mulder selling peanuts at the corner. There were many whispering humans around. Scully went up to Mulder and bought 55.9 peanuts. At first Scully did not notice it was Mulder. But then she noticed his distinct cheek mark Scully then slapped him in the butt and asked him if he wanted to go to the movie Recess: Schools Out. Mulder said yes since he heard that was the biggest make out movie of the year.  
  
After the movie Mulder and Scully went to the grocery store to eat tea and crumpets. While they were feasting Scully told Mulder something very important. She said "Muldy, dear, I am pregnant." Mulder asked whos baby it was. Scully said he would have to wait until the end of this projection film to find out. So stay tuned little kiddies.  
  
Mulder and Scully went to the hospital and they played doctor. She did a physical on him. It was very physical, if you know what I mean...  
  
Since Mulder and Scully were together now, they decided to investigate. Scully imformed Mulder of the Gnome case. Mulder delightfully agreed.   
  
They went to the Nursing Home and found Mary-Kate and Ashley in the intensive care unit for old people.   
  
Muldy then said we have to check them for gnomes. They only found them in Mary-Kate because we all know she is the bad girl of the bunch.  
  
Mulder shot the gnome because the gnome said that Mulder wore girl panties, and they were twisting. Oh poo.   
  
Scully then dragged Mulder to lego land to buy some toothbrushes. The toothbrushes were totally on drugs, so skipped that place.  
  
Do crafts, not drugs!!!  
  
Then they decided to go to Little Russia in Canada. When they got to Canada all the peoples heads flapped when the talked, and they found Gilligans Island.  
  
Ol' Gilligan was too dumb to signal them, so they left on a boat reading "Gilligan.... Gilligan"  
  
Then Scully decided they should get down to business on the gnome business. Skinner wanted a report by March, April, 39, 34.  
  
They went to the gnome factory next. They made gnomes there. Thats what a gnome factory is for. The gnome factory was cluttered with gnomes.  
  
Harry Potter ran in and screamed "PARKING LOT" and ran away. Then he went to go investigate his egg.  
  
They were getting nowhere on the gnome case since it was such a boring case. So, they went to Scully's house and got fricky once again. Scully didnt want to hurt Mulder's feelings, but he was very small in the pants.   
  
Suddenly Mulder and Scully saw Britney Spears accepting an award for most green experience. Russell Crowe jumped up and embraced Britney Spears and the ran to the janitor's closet. He sold her salami there, if you know what I mean.  
  
Meanwhile, Scully and Mulder were searching for the lost boys of northern Iraq where the devil lives in a statue with Franklin the turtle. They were having love affairs. So were Adam and Eve.  
  
Bologna.  
  
Mother Theresa then popped up and said yes you heard me bitch.   
  
Mulder then asked Scully whose baby it was. She said no ones, since she was not pregnant! Some people are so blind. She told Mulder that she got Britney Spears, Russell Crowe, and John Goodman pregnant. We are a love triangle with four sides. And you are not included, Mr. Mold.   
  
Mulder to went on a rampage to find all of them. Scully did not know Russell's phone number, so just she just called John. She told him to meet her at the Delta Plex.  
  
When John and Scully got to the Delta Plex they found Britney and Russell in the janitors room talking about dogs.  
  
Suddenly Mulder burst into the closet and Russell ran into the bathroom and turned into Maximus Decimus Meridius from Gladiator. But something was wrong, he had pink ballerina shoes on. He quickly did Swan's Lake and took them off to go and have his vengeance on Mulder in this life or the next.   
  
Maximus cut Mulder's head off with his Gladiator sword. After he was done he put it in the closet for later keeping.  
  
Scully and Britney then embraced John Quincy Adams because he was sooo hot. Then they cheered in joy that Mulder was finally out of the picture in their living room.  
  
Then Britney pushed John on piece of cheese and he never ever got up again.   
  
Now all that was left was Britney, Scully, and Russell. They were very happy now because they had there real triangle of love.   
  
5 months later they went on Ricki Lake to tell about there cheese stealing days in the India Mountains.   
  
Suddenly Crisco popped up and told everyone that Madonna was pregnant once again.  
  
The moral of the story is that if love can't conquer something get a gladiator (preferably Russell Crowe) and Britney Spears.  
  
Notesies: We know this is very, very dumb. We are not dumb, but our stories are. Its not really our fault.   
We do like Russell Crowe, Britney Spears, Mulder, and Scully. We dont really like John Goodman, but thats beside the point.  
Believe it or not, Agent Dalton is extremely obsessed with Russell Crowe, and you cant separate Sponge Bob Cow Pants from his Britney Spears CD.   
And also, I'm a cowboy baby.  
  
  



	4. The Day The Biscuits Struck Back

Crisco 3.5, The Day The Biscuits Struck Back  
  
By: Agent Dalton and Sponge Bob Cow Pants  
  
Rated: Fla  
  
SummAry: Ska  
  
STOOB  
  
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One fine morning Scully and Mulder were talking about Gooses; the name of the new Harry Potter Book. It was about two heroic mothers rescuing the duke of Arland.   
  
And then Chuckie said VRRROOM.  
  
Mulder decided that Doggett was way better than him. Cause he is. You know it. Thats right you heard me bitch.   
  
Anyways, Mulder suggested that they go to the moon and smell. Scully agreed immediately.  
  
They went to the moon on seadoos. They got record gas mileage on their heroic trip. Mission control was hiding it all. You know it.  
  
When they got back from the moon they went over to Skinners for noon tea. They discussed a wide variety of topics, including the latest women's fashions. Skinner gave a great insight in that topic.  
  
After that Skinner told them that he was growing tired, and kindly asked Mulder and Scully to leave. They obliged and left promptly.  
  
After they left Skinner put on his black thong and danced to the Macerana.  
  
While he was dancing he screamed "Miricoles" over and over again.  
  
"Miricoles", he screamed, "Miricoles"  
  
"Spinkter, Spinkter, Spinkter", the bluebird said.  
  
32 days later Scully had tickets to go see Roger and the Canines at the Carnegie Hall. They were going to sing many songs, including Bite My Bubble, Frank Goes to 7, and Real Big Mitosis.  
  
While they were at the concert they were having a wonderful time until something went terribly wrong. It was horrible. Very horrible. It was really bad. Really bad. It was really tragic. Really tragic. Get the idea? Good.  
  
Meanwhile, Scully was playing chess with her fish. She was an orange flob. She was screaming "Lucifer, Lucifer" while she moved her bishop. "Checkmate", she said. But really, her king had a ring.   
  
Then Scully heard a knock on the door. It was a biscuit asking for money for his biciertry club. Scully gave him a rock and told him to pawn it at the nearest pawn shop. He said said something under his breath, and kicked Scully in the ear. Scully fell to the ground. She was dizzy and could only see wavy lines. Then Scully heard a casket open. Her sister was there. That old camel with the clasper. Her mother told her to co-work her death. "Just because I am Aladdin doesn't mean I'm not your mother!"  
  
And then the tin foil came out and said glue.   
  
Then Scully followed the peculiar biscuit to the petting zoo. She went to pet Mulder's favorite animal, the turkey.  
  
And then we found out the astonishing truth about the concert, Mulder was cake beefed.  
  
What does that mean? You will find out in the next episode, Crisco Glucose.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.  
  
And thats the way they all became the brady bunch! La la la.  
  



	5. Glucose

Crisco Glucose  
  
By: Agent Dalton and Sponge Bob Cow Pants  
  
Rated: house  
  
Summary: Indeed.  
  
Wha.  
  
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In the last episode Mulder was mysteriously cake beefed.  
  
Well, we don't know what this means, but on with the story anyways.  
  
While Mulder was trying his pants he smelled a funny smell. He was wearing a pink silver medallion with Cinderella on it.   
  
Mulder went to 7-12 and decided he wanted to buy a slurpee and seduce the manager, which was a man.   
  
Then he had louder soap.  
  
Gandhi then popped up and said "glue on my toenails!"  
  
Yes.  
  
Meanwhile, at the weavery Scully was weaving weaves and mouse pads. She was now a weaver.   
  
She was highly experienced, Mulder taught her how to weave.  
  
Mulder's peanut stand wasn't doing too good, so he moved onto another business. Gelatin making.  
  
Then Jimbo said "Staind is the most best band ever, and Aaron Lewis is the most best singer ever!"  
  
Then Gepetto said "Britney Spears is the most best singer ever!"  
  
Then they agreed.  
  
Mulder is currently being a pervert around the Barbie doll. "She's a more laid back type", he said as he took off her shirt.  
  
The wooden shoes are mysterious. Everyone knows this. Detroit is only a myth, only people from Michigan know this. Don't tell anyone. If you do I must kill you. So don't, dammit.  
  
Mulder went to Scully's house in just a blue robe. He had nothing under that robe... except a gun and clothes. Not a real gun, a purple fake one. It was for Scully's enjoyment.   
  
When got Mulder got in Scully's room he tore off his robe but then he put it back on. Scully's house was chilly. Candy keeps Scully warm at night. The chocolate melted against her butt. It soothed her.  
  
Scully tried to get in the washer once, but she didn't fit. She read the cycle, turned it on, and tried to jump in. Then she left. It overflowed, but Mulder was.  
  
Visa cards are incredibly good to have. And orange. Naval piercing.  
  
Mulder went into Scully's Port a Jon with the mouse pad Scully wove for him. While Mulder was in the bathroom Scully went out for a bite to eat.   
  
She went to this new fabulous restaurant that served only c's. It was beautiful. The chairs were shaped at d's but they still only served c's.  
  
Aghraba is a wonderful place. Bra.  
  
Scully came back to her farm where Mulder was still in the Port a Jon. She took Mulder's medallion and slapped it with a wonder bra. It caused Mulder to die.   
  
After they did an autopsy on him the discovered his insides were churned by a wonder bra, and some panty hoses. How horrible. Not.  
  
They had s funeral, but no one was there, except his man lover from 7-12. He was a chunky old man with flabby man boobs. Ew.  
  
Once Mulder was gone, Scully could enjoy her herself better. She was so happy she unlocked her door 7 times with the keys.   
  
Constipation threw her away though.   
  
NUDITY  
  
Sorry for the shortness, we have to go eat butter churns. We will write more tomorrow.  
  
Tomorrow.... tomorrow, theres always tomorrow. 3 days away!  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. The Final Battle! (not the last chapter)

CHAPTER 6!!111  
  
THE FINAL BATTLE!1111 (not the final chapter)  
  
w00t! Okay, so yeah!  
  
By Agent Dalton (racheldalton@attbi.com) and Sponge Bob Cow Pants (miscman04@hotmail.com).  
  
Rated: glamorous pants  
  
Summary. Hi my name is Joe I work in a button factory. with deodorant. What.  
  
Archive: YES. sweet sugars.  
  
Authors notes: Note this! Your daughter is pregnant with your mother.  
  
We've been gone for a really long time, but inspiration has struck, and we are adding a new chapter to this bitch. Loss of interest and lack of time has stopped us from writing any new chapters, and me from writing any new fics. Hopefully I'll get around to writing more, and me and Sponge Bob Cow Pants will try and add more to this. - Agent Dalton  
  
  
"Blast off!" said Scully as she ran from the refreshments at the dinner table. She angry, no she was fuming with steam from her underarms that was red hot. Those carrots were looking at her in an odd fashion!  
  
Mother Theresa then said "Dorothy, don't leave your underwear in kansasuuuuuuuuu!", while softly caressing her nose hairs. I know that surgery will hurt tomorrow, but that nose hair has to go.   
  
While she was playing with Jam and Glam Barbie, her panties came in a tangle. She could not get those carrots off her mind. Savage was coming to her house tomorrow, and she had to have the house looking perfect, and above all, she had to untangle those panties.  
  
The sweet, sweet sound of orange juice played in her mind. It was time for her feeding. Muldy was here, and he meant business.  
  
Speaking of business, her hair was tight, and oh lordy, it was spiffy.  
  
Shout outz to mah homie Verbena! WERDS!  
  
A verb named Goat shot the scullyness.  
  
[/PRELDE]  
  
SOPHIE NI!  
  
[/FLAG]  
  
Okay, so Scully was walking down the street singing "do wa diddy diddy dum diddy du!" Scully missed Muldy a lot, who was visiting his uncle Jimbo in the eastern westerns.   
  
She decided to go on a quest. It would be quite noble. She ran, and ran, and ran until she met the water. She lived right on the beach. (peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!)  
  
To begin her quest, she visited her old friend Magnesia, Milk of. She needed information on this strange land, the eastern westerns. She also needed information on the goats and the tigers, and most of all, Duluth. We live in the mitten. On the left side, yo.  
  
Magnesia, Milk of was very helpful. Scully was thankful to have her as a tour guide. She was a wonderful quest leader! Werds to your mother.  
  
"Hey, hey. Props to my homies in hometown", said Gertrude as she petted her glow stick. Never again will she eat. NEVER AGAIN. NEVER EVER EVER. Big mac with a large fry, she whispered to the counter.  
  
Magnesia, Milk of stopped her just in time. She was not to eat! EVER AGAIN, till tomorrow.   
  
Now we will go back to Scully. She forgot her quest, and went to the homeland of Irish men. She met a young man named Laddie there, and he introduced her to a half Japanese girl, who she instantly fell in love with. They talked about anime, and said TRIGUN FACKING ROCKS!!!11, because it does.   
  
There was a new bible out today.  
  
Mary Poppins then reminded her of her quest. She wanted to continue, but she didn't want to leave her newfound half Japanese friend behind. She was torn between old love and new love. Oh, what to do!  
  
To decide, Scully and the half Japanese girl decided to have a contest. Whoever could drink the most feet would win the love. What is love?! baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, NO MORE!   
  
Well, Scully skipped the contest, and went to look for some different love. She wanted something new. Forgery is what she wanted. Then she saw a young man forge his mothers signature. What was his name? She was going to find out, so she decided to go play soccer.  
  
Then when she was done, she came back. He was still forging. Forging goats. Everything in it's right place. Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon. Everything in it's right place.   
  
CHAPTER 9 - Bear in the Big Blue house is coming to town.  
  
Scully was very interested in this forger. He was so cute! She asked him to the Bear in the Big Blue house concert. He immediately said no, but then she said 'Scully!?!?!', and he said yes.  
  
This anonymous man was really anonymous. Scully wanted to know his name, so she went to play curling. Nothing was coming to her. She just couldn't figure out his name. She knew that Judy Funny had her back. Baby.  
  
Never understanding why her toes were so toey, Scully decided to weightlift so her toes could have more muscular tone. She wanted a facelift, so she went to that weightroom and sat. How amazing.   
  
The battle was near. She knew. Oh yes, she knew. Yoga.   
  
The anonymous man was near. The announcment of her retirement came sad to this man. He was outraged. He even said he was glamorous pants.   
  
Scully then stipped with the groceries.  
  
We will pause while Scully poops.  
  
[pause]  
  
..........................  
.................  
ERRRRRRRR  
..........  
.................................................  
............................... PLOP ..................  
SPLOOSH..............  
  
[/pause]  
  
Scully needed. to eat. to east. Ooooh yes. Her name was Scully. You bet your buns it is! YOU BETTER NOT BE BULLSHITTING ME!  
  
Scully's sprinkler was broken. The anonymous forgery guy noticed, and came over. She noticed the fashion he was moving his butt cheek(s).   
  
Gladly, she mended his pants, because the tailor was out of town on a holiday with his husband. Rosie O Dobb. Sapphire. Belly button lint. Rose from the Titanic told them never to make love under a gel pen. The anonymous forger would remember this forever.  
  
One day, Scully and the anonymous forger we at the gel pen factory. She asked if he liked salty nuts, and he said "cut the kids in half" Then he said "forgery is bad for you".  
  
Who is this anonymous man? Where is Mulder? Is Scully confused about her sexuality? Find out next time, on Crisco!  
  
And yes, we will continue it. Do not worry, children! 


End file.
